How to Become a Gigolo

"Dress well when you become a gigolo. Most well-heeled women like their boy-toys to look good so they can show them off to friends and family. If you can't afford at least one Armani suit, improvise as best you can with less expensive styles."

eHow has an article on how to be a man-whore?!?! Well no, actually. The author explains that a “gigolo differs from a male escort because a gigolo tends to form an emotional bond with his benefactress over time”.

Although this article is primarily aimed at men who are looking to be career gigolos, it also offers some sage advice for relationships in general, reminding men to “play to her vulnerabilities” and “most importantly, be good to her in the bedroom”.

Read more: How to Become a Gigolo | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2073630_become-gigolo.html#ixzz1D2Mwh18X

Update: DMS has removed this gem. You can still see it here:

http://web.archive.org/web/20080121143837/http://www.ehow.com/how_2073630_become-gigolo.html

How to Be the Bobby Knight of Pee Wee Basketball

"Tossing a metal folding chair across the floor in the midst of a game is a foolish act that could easily hurt someone. So only do it when you're losing."

This article is actually pretty awesome. The author took a ridiculous title and produced a hilarious how-to.

If you don’t know, Bobby Knight is the winningest coach in NCAA basketball history. He is also the most yellingest and ill-tempered coach in sports history.

This article offers up some solid advice on how to use Bobby Knight’s tactics when coaching kids’ basketball, like “grabbing a player by the neck to get their attention is just an awful way to teach anyone; so only do it to the kids that are really horsing around” and “let the kids know that while your tactics may seem harsh at times, everything you do is with their best interests in mind. Sure it’s hogwash, but hey they’re ten–they might buy it!”

This article is actually way too good for eHow.

How to Be the Bobby Knight of Pee Wee Basketball | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2037147_bobby-knight-pee-wee-basketball.html#ixzz1Cjw9TSN6

Update: eHow has decided to deprive readers of this beauty. See it here: http://web.archive.org/web/20080612111031/http://www.ehow.com/how_2037147_bobby-knight-pee-wee-basketball.html

How to Light Farts on Fire

And to think, some people don't think eHow is a respectable resource.

 

eHow claims to be a source for “how to do just about everything”. Apparently this includes the utterly stupid and useless.

I was sceptical, but truth be told, this article does offer sound advice such as “Make sure you have a good supply of gas built up in your system. Eat beans, apples, raw oatmeal or anything that you know increases your flatulence”.

How to Light Farts on Fire | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2106341_light-farts-fire.html#ixzz1CWQZVk69

How to Identify a Vampire

He Could be a vampire.

If you have a pasty skinned friend who never sees the light of day, he’s probably just a geek who prefers a mmorpg to real human interaction. OR — he could be a vampire! Fortunately eHow offers some advice on recognizing a vampire.

Signs that someone may be a vampire include “biting your neck hard enough to draw blood and not apologizing for it” and “they have larger canine teeth”.

How to Identify a Vampire | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2156947_identify-vampire.html#ixzz1CXIRplIl

How to Have a Tom Hanks Movie Marathon

If you really want to have a Tom Hanks movie marathon, but you don’t know

Watching Tom Hanks movies is a surprisingly complicated 19 step process.

how to do it, I don’t think that a 19 step guide will help you all that much.

This article essentially repeats one step over and over, “watch movie X starring Tom Hanks”.

How to Have a Tom Hanks Movie Marathon | eHow.co

http://www.ehow.com/how_4549542_have-tom-hanks-movie-marathon.html#ixzz1CXO6oneL

How to Perform Prince Albert Piercing

Don't try this at home.

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that anyone relying on eHow for a how to about genital piercing, should not be performing said piercing. The article does caution, however, not to “try this at home”. It is appropriate, at the very least, that the author of the article has the surname Hurt.

How to Perform Prince Albert Piercing | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4449637_perform-prince-albert-piercing.html#ixzz1CYY0ViA6

 

 

How to Pimp an Office Cubicle

This article is actually kind of awesome because I can just imagine someone

"Create a jungle theme by adding a few plants and gluing some bamboo shades to the sides of your cubicle."

actually taking the advice to decorate their cubicle in a jungle or cowboy theme. It does caution that your boss might have some taste, saying “going over the top in your cubicle decorating could result in a request that you seek employment elsewhere and take all your trashy decor with you”.

How to Pimp an Office Cubicle | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2085282_pimp-office-cubicle.html#ixzz1CYhVqu4J