Tag Archives: stupid

How to Clean Old Black-and-White Negatives — and Possibly Destroy Them

9 Mar

This article comes courtesy of a reader who writes:

Great site you’ve got here. I Googled “ehow has the worst articles” to see if anyone agreed and your site popped up. People need to know how shitty the articles on eHow are. You can damage things or hurt yourself, etc – like you said “nobody tries it before writing it”. Misinformation is worse than no information.

Anyway,

I found this article particularly disturbing: http://www.ehow.com/how_7435394_clean-old-black_and_white-negatives.html

She begins by telling you to wear cotton gloves to handle film negatives. Mind you negatives have _thin_ layers of gelatin on them (yes, gelatin like ‘Jell-O’), the slightest ‘bump’ can scratch a negative. She continues on saying to use a paintbrush to sweep the film. If that wasn’t bad enough, her last suggestion is using ACETONE. I nearly lost my mind when I saw that. Picture an exploding firey missile being shot through a piece of tissue paper… Acetone eats through plastic in a heartbeat!

Yes, these methods will clean film —- clean it right off the Earth!
I think I’ll now officially block eHow results from appearing on Google and add them to my hosts file. Enough’s enough.

See the archived version here when eHow reads this post and removes the article.

Behind the Scenes: How eHow Works — or Doesn’t

15 Aug

Someone just sent me this lovely screen cap that gives you a good idea of why eHow’s content is so shitty. The image is from an editor’s work desk where he’s just published an article. Click on it to take a look — it’s beautiful. The submitter also included a note. Here it is in part:

Basically I figured i was going to get fired abut a month ago from bad performance reviews so I started publishing pretty much anything. Sometimes i sent rewrites using the boilerplates just to Recently I started adding photos that I thought improved the content and links to ur blog. A writer reported me, so I should be fired soon, but it was a good run while is lassted.

How to Make Money in a Trailer Park

21 Apr

Sometimes when I watch the brainless money-making schemed employed by Ricky, Julian and Bubbles on Trailer Park boys, I think, “this is prime eHow material right here.”

Apparently I am right.

The sum of the article is this, open up an illegal liquor and cigarette shop out of your trailer.

Many people in trailer parks smoke cigarettes and drink beer. You can profit from this by having a supply of beer and cigarettes available for weekends especially sundays when football is on T.V. Many will not run out to pick up these items but will not mind paying more for them when convienant. Put the word out to the neighbors and let then know you keep beer and cigarettes for resale.

"Living in a trailer park has its advantages, you have access to many homes and people whom all are potential profit centers."

How to Make Money in a Trailer Park | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5679983_make-money-trailer-park.html#ixzz1KAWRuRAV

How to Write Bad eHow Articles

7 Apr

 

This article is so damn awesome, I’m just copying the whole thing (sue me DMS).

How to Write Bad Ehow Articles

Why write quality, when you can write a bad e-how article?

Difficulty:
Moderately Easy

things you’ll need:

  • Computer

Instructions

  • 1)  Pick a topic. Think of something you’ve never done and don’t know much about.

  • 2)  Don’t test it out to see if it works.
  • 3)  Don’t do any research on the topic.
  • 4) Write some vague instructions stating only the obvious. Make sure you don’t include enough information to actually complete the task correctly. You get extra points if the instructions seem to be for something other than the title of the article, or the steps are obviously out of order.
  • 5) Repeat the same spamy SEO key words over and over again in every step. For instance: Get rich quick.
  • 6) Don’t spelll chek. Who neads to spel? Spellling is stoopid, espeshialy in the tittle. Get ricch quickk.
  • 7) Uses bad grammar. If it make sense it not have have style. Get a rich quick.
  • 8 )
    A pirates life for me! 

    Put photos on every step that add no information to help complete the task. You get extra points if you use obviously copyrighted photos. Don’t put anything in the photo credit field. For goodness sake don’t take your own photos. Get rich quick.

  • 9) Put a completely unrelated affiliate link under resources. Link back to your unrelated blog and your e-book while you’re at it. Get rich quick.

    Tips & Warnings

    • Write as fast as you can.
    • Type what ever comes into your head
    • If nothing’s in your head, rip off other people’s work.
    • If you could hurt yourself following your instructions, don’t use this section.

    Resources

    How to Write Bad Ehow Articles | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5056330_write-bad-ehow-articles.html#ixzz1IqhNPBvf

  • Demand Media Produces Quality Content

    29 Mar

    I don’t know about the content of this article. To be honest I just read the part that someone highlighted for me, the tips and warning section which reads:

    It appears that the writer included her notes to the copy editor in the body of the article and the copy editor didn’t have the sense to remove them. Good to see that Demand Media is improving their quality.

    Thanks to Kenneth Crawford of Kenneth Crawford Writing for the scoop.
    Read more: How to Change the Blade on a Ridgid Miter Saw | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_7811099_change-blade-ridgid-miter-saw.html#ixzz1I1vHx3ff

    Update: DMS fixed the article, but you can see the original here.

    How to Learn Chinese

    21 Mar

    Sigh… I mean, I know that all eHow articles are pretty shitty, but usually that’s because the titles are crap. Here’s an example of an article that could be potentially useful and what do I get? Advice on learning Chinese like “watch Chinese movies”.

    This article includes five completely incongruent steps.

    Step 1: Move to China.

    Step 2: Get an apartment in Chinatown.

    Seriously, WTF?

    But don’t worry, this step by step guide might seem too simple, but the author has categorized the difficulty level as “easy”.

    Watch Rush Hour 3 and you'll pretty much be fluent in Mandarin.

    How to Learn Chinese | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2154109_learn-chinese.html#ixzz1HBlmQruW

    How to Recognize a Gay Bar

    15 Mar

    If you are incredibly obtuse or maybe just a little backward this article may be for you.

    Perhaps I’m just used to living in big cities with progressive populations, but to my mind identifying a gay bar is about as easy as recognizing a Chinese restaurant.  If I’m wrong, you may benefit from knowing that “Many bars that don’t advertise themselves as gay will let the public know of their true orientation with a well-thought-out name.” Yes, if the bar is called The Tool Box, The Manhole or The Cockpit, it probably a gay bar (or a carpenters’, sewer workers’ or pilots’ bar respectively).

    If you’re still uncertain, just ask a patron. Indeed, if you’re ever in an unfamiliar bar and you’re not sure just pull up a seat beside a stranger, look into his eyes and casual ask, “excuse me sir, would this perchance be a homosexual establishment?” Surely nothing bad could result from that.

    "Wait a minute... there's something bothering me about this place. I know. This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit. Enjoy your death trap ladies!"

    How to Recognize a Gay Bar | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2188642_recognize-gay-bar.html#ixzz1GiCVSBly

    Homemade Weed Vaporizer

    13 Mar

    I imagine that there are a lot of really disappointed stoners trying to figure out what the fuck this article is about. A weed vaporizer is — as a simple Google search will tell you — a device for smoking pot. This eHow “author” has managed to come up with some ridiculous article about a vinegar concoction that will vaporize your garden weeds.

    This reminds me of the time Otto visits Stoner’s Pot Palace on The Simpsons. Flagrant false advertising.

    "Man, that is flagrant false advertising!"

    Homemade Weed Vaporizer | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_6605804_homemade-weed-vaporizer.html#ixzz1GR30nZGM

    How to Unlock Locks

    27 Feb

    Where does the key go?

    If I Google “how to unlock locks” I’m probably interested in something to do with lock picking or locksmithing. Unfortunately for me, if I stumble on this link, eHow doesn’t have much in the way of skilled writers who might know something about locksmithing. The result is that I get a piece of garbage article that explains that I need a key to unlock a lock (which, admittedly, is pretty good advice if I am visiting from Mars).

    What I like about this article is that the writer has some balls and basically gives a big fuck you to his employer by writing a sarcastic piece that points out the stupidity of eHow and then takes his $15 pay.

    Here’s my favorite part:

    “When faced with a locked door, your choices are many, but only two are generally permitted. If the locked door leads into a building or a space within a building, knock on the door and request entry. If knocking on the door proves fruitless and fails to provide you with access to the space, your socially-acceptable choices become more limited. You must obtain, through proper channels, a key to the space.”

    Solid gold!

    If you want to know how to open a combination lock, there’s probably a separate eHow article for that.

    Read more: How to Unlock Locks | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_6534151_unlock-locks.html#ixzz1F6zDw528

    How to Figure Out the Demand Media Business Model

    25 Feb

    Garbage in, garbage out.

    The article purports to teach you how to understand the business model of Demand Media (the owner of eHow), and yet the author does not appear to grasp the model at all.

    The fact that an eHow writer does not understand the Demand Media model is actually a very good summary of the model itself, which is this: hire a shit-load of people who have basic literary skills and pay them the bare minimum to crank out as many articles as possible. Research, quality and knowledge not required.

    How would you describe the DMS business model?

    How to Figure Out the Demand Media Business Model | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4612723_figure-demand-media-business-model.html#ixzz1F0s1Cjvi

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